Don’t Prostitute my efforts for righteousness

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As I sat at my dinning table, read my bible and meditated on God’s promises and his words, my thoughts drifted to the ways of man. If judgements were left in our hands, oh man, the earth would not experience its fullness thereof and the world and they that dwell there in. It is so discouraging sometimes when all those around you condemns your every effort to turn from your evil ways. It is astonishing how man in its design could forget the actuality of the words of God. Weren’t we born in sin and shaped in iniquity? Have we not or have we never committed sins that are internal and sins that are external? Have we not repeatedly fight battles within our mind and have we not fell in the pit of temptation?

I dear you to find a human, that one person whom have never sinned and have never been through trials and colours of temptations. If you have found that person other than Jesus Christ who became man amongst us for a while, I don’t want to meet him or her. Their existence would be filled with lies. As I remembered how low I felt after my disernment of an event, God reminded me of his words, ‘For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you, not to harm you, to give you hope and a future.’

I smiled in the reassurance of my adoption in his Kingdom. That when others seemingly don’t know my name or refuse to accept my name, God knows my name. It is evident that I am not perfect, that I have done some unrighteous things, that I have been evil in my ways and thoughts but to God be the Glory, all Glory and honour belongs to him, I am forgiven, all my charges were taken and nailed to the cross, hands and feet. John said, For God so love the world that he gave his only begotten son that whoever believeth in him must not perish but have everlasting life. With this promise, we ought to trust his forgiveness and his supernatural power to annoint us and affirm us even when man denies us or tried to block us from that which God have predestined us for. I love God and I’m inlove with his majesty. I pray each day for God to release me of my flesh and grant me a fresh annointing that I may walk militantly in his spirit and develop a personal relationship with God. By this I mean, to worship him even when situations forces me to be dry, pray fervently, interactively and intimately with God that his voice would be so familiar as he speaks to me that I would have recognized him by his voice.

Perforated Lies

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Lying lips are an abomination to the LORD, But those who deal faithfully are His delight. Proverbs 12:22. Repeatedly we view ourselves as righteous and holy, yet we live miles away from truth. Truth becomes that far distance cousin who we only visit on special holidays or better yet truth becomes our so-called holiday church spirit which we only visit on Easter, Christmas and New Years Eve.  We try to justify our lying lips by using statements such as:
‘A joke mia mek man’
‘Chro petty lie anuh lie’
‘Obligation to confidentiality’
‘It was just a suprise’
‘Yuh never ask me, suh mi jus neva bada seh nutten’
‘Mi neva mean it deh way deh’
‘Mi neva kno how fi tel yuh’
‘Babes mi neva wah hurt yuh’
‘Mi kno yuh wuda get upset’
Etc.  There are so many different scenario of lies, repeated lies.  The saddest thing about it, we train our children in the same manner to practically lie while confusing them with our theories.  We say to them, ‘Children thou shalt not lie, its an abomination to God, lying is wrong.’  Yet, the co-worker who you owed $5000 have stopped by your home for repayments and what do you do?
‘Trecia,’ you whispered.
‘Yes mom,’ Trecia whispered as well.
‘Tell Melicka, I am not home.
Trecia walked briskfully to the door.  As she opened the door and pleasantly said good morning, she then said, ‘Melicka, mom said to tell you she isn’t home.’  Trecia vehemently covers her mouth in shock as her eyes opened wide fearing what the results maybe.  How do you think that child felt or Melicka or even how do you think the mother felt?  All three experienced a moment of confusion, fear, deception, disturbance, shock and regrets.  Lies are lies, whether big or small, the effects of lies are dependent on each person’s unique design.  If we speak against lies daily then why is it we normalize it on the other end.  Are we then saying, lies are uniquely  bipolar?  This minute it functions as a norm and in a split second it changes to the code of wrongs?  Lies cannot be measured via a scale or numerically calculated, it cannot be understood as a categorized fire, flame or explosion neither can it be explained via a time machine sequence.  Just like sin, its neither big nor small.  A sin is a sin and a lie is a lie and a lie is a sin and they both are intertwinably wrong. Lies creates the existence of perforation. Perforate means to pierce and make a hole or holes in to form a separation. When you have lied to someone, it may scar the person emotionally and may create an invisible hole in the person’s heart that forces the person to feel hurt, angry and bitter against the perpetrator. It creates a separation between the liar and the victim as the quality of the relationship becomes broken. When you are dishonest, be it a big or a small lie, it breaks down trust, loyalty, respect, reliability, honesty, assurance, love, unity, peace and security. With this being said, lies maybe looked at as perforated, hence my topic Perforated Lies. Dishonesty have been played with like a new toy around the world for centuries. It is even found in some distasteful situations of the latent, psychopathic mind. The mind that have the sole purpose of making his or her victims believe the very lies by using discreet manipulative tactics. The toxic shadow of emotional abuse perforates your soul subconsciously and dictates your level of insecurities. The emotional abuser lies repeatedly inorder to control and compromise the victim’s reaction. As soon as an emotional abuser discovers their victim is leaving their control, they alter their behaviour to match that of the victim’s desire. For eg. Your husband was always unhelpful and allows you to do everything: Cook, take care of the children, wash, clean, work the same 9 to 5 job as he does, and look after him. The moment you decided to leave, he retraced his actions and immediately takes care of chores such as: Bathing the child/children, cooking, cleaning or even doing outside cleaning without you making that suggestion. This discreet manipulation makes you re-think your decisions and foster his remedial change. The abuser becomes happy because now he got you where he wants you, back under his control. This becomes harder for you because now you have regained trust and now it is more difficult for you to leave, because now you are possibly pregnant after all that make-up shenanigans. At this point the emotional abuser becomes complacent again and his distinct abusive character is now visible again. Now he believes you would never leave, he got you right where he needs you, in his web.

Now your heart, your soul and your securities become perforated with his lies that you have lost yourself in the midst.
Do not allow yourselves to be swaddled in emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is silent yet it is the most dangerous abuse that exist world wide. Anything that targets your mind be it unhealthy and tries to reprogram that weapon is dangerous. Though emotional abuse is not physical, it is physically connective in that, it encapsulates lies that may force you to suicide, to spiritual death, to character misdeamenor, to identity death and also may lead you to be psychopathically abusive to your own loved ones. Emotional abuse and its lies may be physical too because it is physiological in its core. When a liar believes they are in control of their lies and their lies are really to target the victim, it is not so. When a liar, is dishonest, he or she is really lying to themselves. He or She is continuously shaping their own psychopathic future in that, they themselves start to believe their own lies and their lies have now become a norm, what we refer to as a pathological liar. A pathological liar maybe described as an individual who chronically tells grandiose lies that may stretch or exceed the limits of believability. While most people lie or at least bend the truth occasionally, pathological liars do so habitually. Pathological lying should be considered a distinct psychological disorder because of its non motive habitual structure.

The Ultimate Hero

Repeatedly we go through life being bombarded by what I refer to as Cultural Normality. The normality of the ultimate faded hero. We have grown to believe or to know the forced ripe heroes that have done nothing but being rebellious to early laws and fought a battle for one particular kind of people and that is their very own, Either Black or White, Jews or Gentiles. But when you truely observe this perplexity, it is revealed that, the belief of a hero is to be prejudiced and to maintain that outright law of punishing the villain, while they fought for the good, the good being their people. Nothing about the law have changed, except for equal rights to do that which was already existed.

It being that time of the year, October 15th, 2018, I wondered to myself, every year I have placed the deceased on a pedestal and have placed this huge focus on them, ‘A moment of remembrance and gratitude for heroes,’ they said, so I asked, ‘Why are they heroes, if they died?’

As I looked closer, I asked myself, what is the definition of an hero and what exactly are the characteristics of an hero?’ I looked to the oxford dictionary as I vehemently skipped through the pages and have found that an hero means, ‘A person who is admired for their courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities.‘ Then I understood because of this low and achievable standards have been made available to mankind, to be considered an hero, almost every and anybody could be placed on this pedestal platform. Then I looked at the Characteristics of an hero. An hero bears witness with these characteristics such as; Courage, Selflessness, humility, Patience, Caring, wisdom and the ability to empower a nation. When I look at the Jamaican heroes; Nanny of the Maroon, Paul Bogle, Marcus Garvey just to name a few, they all encapsulate the characteristics of an hero. The New Zealand heroes such as: Maurice Wilkins, Earnest Rutherford and Kate Shepherd all have done some amazing jobs on earth too, even the American heroes: George Washington, Mark Twain even Henry Ford is considered an hero of such examples. When I thoroughly research the other continents like Australia, Asia, Europe, Antarctica and Africa etc. They all bear the same sequence, a number of accomplished empowered people who had the annointing to fight for what they believe in for their own people.

So then it came to me, all these people did so much amazing things and their stories are engraved in the hearts of many world wide and not only that the History have been taught to almost all nation. With that being said we are told, ‘We must know our history, we must know and appreciate the fight of our ancestors and we become very passionate about that. The truth is, though I respect the cause some have fought for and the perseverance and strength they possessed, I absolutely cannot get over the fact that they all died. What this simply means is that any local, any human being can be a socalled hero based on the change they anchor. I cannot meditate on a deceased person who carries DNA of a normal human being. Everyone in most countries respect these heroes so much that they create and legalized a special day in honouring them for their works. I looked at that notion and thought to myself, ‘wow,’ Where is that special day designed solely for Jesus Christ who have been crucified innocently for a great cause to remove the charges from our lives, to free us from our sins? And the amazing thing about that is though he died, on the third day he rose, Jesus Christ is not dead, he is alive.

When I have researched his DNA, it is not that of a human, no man can phatom the mystery that surrounds it. When I observed his works, no local hero can attest to the works of Jesus Christ. He destroyed devils, he commanded demons to flee, he separated the Red Sea, he confuses Satan and his devil worshippers, he made the blind to see, he is the only hero that never killed a villain, that laid his life down to be crucified for the very villains that crucified him, Glory to God he rose on the third day, he made the deaf to hear, he made the lamed to walk, he made the dumb to talk, he delivered those imprisoned by leprosy, he casteth out fear, he multipled food when there was yet little, he rose the dead to life, he changes laws and systems, he changes thought processes and frontal lobes and gives it the ability to operate in its divine order, he grants life, he de-throwns Lucifer and commanded Satan according to his purpose. He taught the universe of life without being taught, his Bachelor, Doctorate and PHD is like no other, it is held on the high thrown of God seated amongst Heavenly things that cannot be traced or copied by no devil. No local hero could sustain that power. If Jesus Christ is more than qualified to do all these miracles and all these great and mighty works, then the ideas of emancipating and establishing independence and to win wars and stop wars and gain high academic accomplishments is like killing an ant. He designs the very ant, he made the very ideology of emancipation and independence, so why is he not being seen as the ultimate hero?

His name should be every where, his teachings should be meditated on, his life should be treasured and the price he paid should be engraved deep in our hearts. Jesus Christ is not only Lord and Saviour, he is not only King of Kings and Lord of Lords, he is the Hero of all heroes. No foreign god can take his place, no locality can overshadow him, no laws can bury him, Jesus Christ is the ULTIMATE HERO.

Grief’s Terrain

Joshua 1:9 states, ‘Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

Those are the very words of God, comforting and reassuring. At the end of our trials, we then ask a rhetorical, ‘Who could it be but God.’

I could just imagine, you are in bed or in your thoughts, all curled up, feeling the rush of emotional paralysis through your body. Then drip by drip, you feed from those tear drops, yet you are still thirsty, ‘Grief’s Terrain,’ I called it. Many times we view grief as an occasional monster in our lives, either we live or die but greiving, though painful, plays a vitol role in the process of healing. If we are not faced with uncontrollable situations, then we will forget who controls life and death. If we have never experienced grief or sadness, we could not appreciate the fruit of joy, happiness and deliverance, we would not understand the gift of healing from God. Grieving is the process God uses to bring us to a place of wholeness. As the bible would say in Psalms 147: 3, ‘He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.‘ The profound meaning of that scripture cannot possibly be understood, if you have not lost all control, if you have never lost hope, if you have never loss a loved one, in short if you have never experienced grief. God’s way of reminding us of who he is and the majesty of his works may sometimes be mind bubbling to us because we hold on tight to that which are tangible as a form of having the idea of control. But then the mystery of God reminds us, he is God and God alone, he giveth and he taketh and all that is done to his Glory, in the fulfillment of his purpose.

Because death is so personal and so untimely and so dramatic and spontaenuous, makes it impossible for anyone to be prepared for the grief to come. Many times we engaged ourselfs in grief’s packaging, that we lose ourselves in that process of shock and denial. It is very important, we seek to speak about our insecurities and our hurt and pain we face after losing something or someone we proclaim as close. Though their are stages of bereavement, it is intricately unique in its design to match every person’ uniqueness and their electric response to death of a loved one. The five stages of bereavement are:

Denial

It is hard to accept the unsurities and the non existing time frame of death. It is difficult to not being able to say sorry about the distasteful things you have said or the bonding moments you missed out on or the promises you haven’t got to fulfill or just the thought of not being able to let the person know, ‘I love you.’ This stage allows you time to go through the shock slowly as you deny the event. For all you care, it isn’t real, it is just a dream. At this stage, the reality of it haven’t filtered in as yet, now you have become numb and you wonder why? But though its easier to say this, ‘Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted,’ Matthew 5:4, it is indeed true. But how do we comfort someone who mourns greatly? How do we comfort the mother of a 6 month old deceased child or the Cousin of a young girl who died too soon? God’s words are stronger than any giant that exists. It is who God is, to hear, is to do it and to do it, is to proclaim it. Though you are in denial because it is apart of the process of grief, don’t allow yourselves to be swaddled in the lies of the devil, to be lost in that denial where it affects you mentally and deprives you of God’s richest gift; Healing. Allow time and God to take you healthily to the next stage depending on your uniqueness.

Anger is said to be the second stage. In this stage you have already started to accept the reality of losing a loved one, you have already started the healing process at the latter part of the denial stage. Anger perpetually extends to persons who embark your individualized circle that you have created. By now you have gotten so angry as the thought of your loss linguers in your head and you start to ask the, ‘What if’s and the why’s and the how’s.’ The thing about anger is that it dissipates as your anger grows daily. Anger suggests strength and can lead to rage if not being treated with love and care. Anger is a way of creating a walk way to your loss, that you may always have access when ever you need. It is a protective cape you wear that seals the thing or individual deep within, so that anyone who tries to ascertain your possession, will be barricaded by your anger. Though it is a healthy stage of bereavement, if you are not careful, it would lead you to external loneliness, as those around you will nolonger want to be faced with your anger. Speak to someone, share your brudens, release your fears and allow yourself to breathe again. Like Ephesians 4:25-27 states, ‘Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity. Therefore, laying aside falsehood, speaking truth each one of you with his neighbor, for we are members of one another.’ As neighbors, we are to share our brethrens burdens. As I speak to you, I am speaking also to myself because sometimes, it is within our advice to others, we help our ownselves.

The third stage is bargaining. We say to ourselves, ‘If only I could reverse the time, I would make it right.’ Or, ‘God if you give me back what I have lost, i would serve you endlessly, I would devote myself to your cause.’

The bargains we make, if only we used our emotions less and focus on the principles of loss, easier said than done right?

Sometimes bargaining may seem like a mockery to God but it is one of the several stages of bereavement. It is actually natural. The segment of bargain I don’t favour, is the repititive fault finding questions of yourself, ‘I didn’t spend much time, Why did I not say I love you or tried even harder so he or she may experience the stingless death, death in Christ.’ Or, ‘I could have prevented him or her from going to that place of Sheol.’ At the stage of bargaining, do not reflect too much on the questions that plague your mind. Continue speaking about it to others especially of Godly wisdom, who would know what to say and when to say it according to God’s words. You don’t want to be speaking about your pain, only to hear, ‘it is all your fault.’ Even if it is so, you don’t want to be reminded of that, just as Proverbs 17:27 declares, ‘He who restrains his words has knowledge, And he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding.‘ Speak to people of great Godly wisdom, as you go through the process of healing.

The fourth stage is, Depression. By now your adrenaline is all over the place, causing withdrawal syndromes and post traumatic stress disorders and delayed panick attacks. This stage is infact normal. It is normal for anyone to experience this type of depression when going through a trauma. It is not to be considered a mental issue but rather a reactive reflex to turmoils and uncontrollable, unforseen experiences. We all have experienced some level of depression but we should never feed it with fear but with the antidote of faith. I remember my most traumatic experience and it had caused me to battle with anxiety panick attacks for two years. Through thorough researches and repeated prayers and fasting, I understood that anxiety is fed off fear and so I have developed the notion to say, ‘ Faith is the antidote of fear.’ Once you replace all your fears with faith of God, no foul spirit can linguer, no devil can attack and no diabolical operations can take place. This stage is crucial that you maintain your focus on the words of God and to be reassured that he lives and he heals. Psalms 73:26 says, ‘My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.‘ Can you imagine God being the strength of your troubled heart and the portion of your failures forever? God is a good God, he knows what you are able to bear long before you knew yourselves. He believes in our ability to conform. Why can’t we believe in his supremacy and sovereignty even in the midst of our loss? God is amazing and even in our loss, the spirit of gratitude is needed. Have you ever deeply penetrated the book of Job and observe the many loss he beared yet Job had the spirit of gratitude and blessed God for the God that he is as illustrated in Job 1:21, ‘Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.

The final stage is Acceptance. Acceptance brings fort closure but you may still be experiencing that loneliness or hurt. At this stage, you understand the reality of your loss and now you have the ability to control your reaction and may be open to an all new perception of bereavement and the lessons you have learnt through it all. Now you will see the fullness of God and his mighty works that whatever may seem impossible to you, is indeed possible to God. Like the bible says in Romans 8:28, ‘And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.‘ Never phatom the works of God. God makes no mistakes, he allows and he commands and this you may understand, this too shall pass.

Prayer for bereavement:

Lord I humble myself before you. I know I am not worthy o God but I pray you have mercy on me. I place my family members and friends and myself, even those I do not know before you, that you may open your store room of blessings unto us and grant us strength, give us courage to accept the things we cannot control, give us peace o Lord to gracefully and deligently go through what ever process you take us through. Give us the tolerance Lord to love those who may be hurting differently and give us the faith not to fear that which we cannot see. I veto untimely death, I come against accidents, infirmities, fear. I veto the womb of satan, I cast a miscarriage now, destroy the devil’s plan o God and let your will be done. In Jesus Christ name, Amen.

The Prisoner….

My apologies for the lengthy time it took me to publish, ‘The Prisoner.’ I have found it so difficult to write my present stories that hold some of my most sensitive testimonies, especially ones that have tarnished my life’s journey greatly. However, I have managed to make it through this prison gate, some may not like it and others may feed from it. At the end, I hope you enjoy a good read.

I was 11 years old when I first met my dad. Unlike others whom have met their dad long before they could even understand what it meant to see life through one eye, I met my dad when I was old enough to understand right from wrong. To make my life even more complex, confusing and dramatic, would you believe me if I told you I met my Step-Father, who is now deceased long before my real dad lol?

Yes I know, the irony of it all reminded me of an anime yet to be seen. I met my step father, who is now deceased since I was 5 years old. Here is the anime segment, since then, there wasn’t anyone like my step-dad, not my mom, not my dad, no-one, well, except for God. In my eyes, he was never wrong. I would have usually played Judge Judy and sentenced my mother to days of resentment and the, ‘not speaking to you punishments,’ because I would have blamed her for his wrongs, even if she was right. I was so hungry for what is called a Father, that I was blinded to the plot of the devil, besides, I was too young anyways to even understand what it meant to be spiritually blinded. I didn’t want to be father-less so badly that I was willing to lose moments of truth with my mother because I knew my mother would always be my mother. Because of my biological father’s absenteeism, he didn’t mean much to me so I blocked him entirely from my thoughts to prevent face to face encounter with anger, resentment, obscurities, bitterness, regrets, doubts, fears and my own lethargic disillusionment. I understood how to build my own prison since I was able to alternate between happiness and sadness. Since then I have discovered my talent as a writer. As a child growing up, the most I could have written, were little cute sentences like, ‘Roses are red violets are blue, I have a dad but where are you?’ I would cut the bottoms off those little orange juice boxes and create gift cards and decoratively write on them and present them to love ones. So yes, I have been a writer, a giver and an analyzer since age 4. Growing up having an absentee parent forces you to develop skills and talents at a rather early age because that becomes your pain blocker and it may very well be the irons and walls that you have used to design your prison.

Do you believe in Angels? That’s what I thought my late step- father was. He would tease my inner cravings of a father with gifts of any child or teen-age girl’s desire. Anything I wanted, I got. At school, my friends would used to say, ‘You are so lucky to have a problem-free life.’ Or, ‘That’s so awesome you have a step parent that is nice because all step parents are horrible.’

‘Lucky,’ they said, I was, ‘lucky.’ Unknowingly they spoke of what they saw, not knowing that I had built an effective prison that even myself started to believe I lived the perfect princess life. So I really started to believe all my friends had so many different problems from broken homes to incest to abuse to disabilities not to mention identity and gender confusions, while I was living this problem free life. I mean based on the intensity of their problems, I felt like I didn’t have one.

But then one day, the truth slapped me so hard, I bit my tongue. My cousin that I was more than twice her age came to live with us and during that period my mom was in New York City for some time. So one day, I had a number of cousins stopped by to see me just in time to taste that lucious curry shrimp remedy my late step father would usually make. It was time to eat at the family table and I remembered if ever a time I gagged so hard, it was at that time being seated at that table. All I heard my late step father said, was, ‘Yuh know seh yah one likkle devil.’ I looked up suddenly, as I tried to figure out who he made reference to as I gagged on my food. Only to see, that he directed those words to my youngest cousin. I looked at him with disgust and couldn’t help it but to intervene. I said defensively, ‘Any adult whom looked at a child and called him or her a devil, is the devil himself.’ Little did I know, that he was indeed the devil.

So as days went by, months and years, the prison I built grew rapidly as I have discovered I had built that prison to detain myself and to guard myself from such evil. A prisoner I called myself, not many knew that I was invisibly detained.

A prisoner is described in the oxford dictionary as, ‘A person legally committed to prison as a punishment for a crime or while awaiting trial.‘ Then it went on to say, ‘ A person who is or feels confined or trapped by a situation and or a person captured and kept confined by an enemy or criminal.’ Over the years I have lived in such a confined environment that I used to push my mother away just to have peace in the home, just so my late step father would have all his time with her. Yes I know, you probably thinking, ‘What a chicken,’

He hated me because of the tight and close knitted relationship I have with my mother. Through those moments of loneliness and rejection God became my very best friend. Every night I studied the bible and every night I prayed. Then I remembered I got this dream of this man with long beards, a golden image and was on this white horse and he stretched out his right hand and called me by using hand gestures. Was a beautiful image, with that dream I then made the decision to be baptised, then I encouraged my little cousin and my mother. When both got baptised my late step father became possessed, he became a Lesion instead.

Peace was no longer an experience for us. Soon after, my cousin left and went back to live with her mother, leaving my mother and I and the devil. I used to have dreams of what was to come, dreams of deception, dreams of pain, dreams of judgment, dreams of betrayal and dreams of nicromancies. . Years of verbal abuse made me focused less in school, so when I was to take 9 exams, I took only 6, though I got all 6 with distinctions and credits, the fragments remained and the truth linguered, the devil robbed me yet again. With nights of fear and terror I used to sleep with one of those butcher knives under my bed, my sleeps became closed eyes while my brain still functions as though I was awake, so that I may hear every movements inside my mother’s room, that I may give him a taste of his own medicine. He hated me so much, especially when I spoke the word of God, he would say, ‘yuh voice come in like pin a juk mi up, mi hate hear yuh mouth guh ina yuh room man.’ And I would go. I was so obedient because of how my mother grew me and as a single parent I knew she worked hard so the least trouble I give would show her that I absolutely love her. I carried that pain every day because I know she got into that relational situation because she felt It would have been best for me. As years past I got weakened, as nights would come and literally I would be afraid to close my eyes because of repeated attacks. Have you ever felt like something holding you down in your sleep and you are awake and can’t speak and all you could do is shout, ‘Jesus!’

Well for months that was my experience until I started to have the most painful chest aches, chest pains that caused me to can’t move. My mother always know the remedy though, a huge jar of water that is consecrated by her prayers. And all he would do in that moment is look and as I looked in his eyes, I met Satan himself. Years I battled with an infirmity of blood issues. I was severely anaemic, I had repeated stomach issues, I had terrible chest pains and days and nights of dizziness. I became so isolative, all I wanted to do is run away from a battle I didn’t think was mine, because I was so innocent to life. Prison isn’t a grand place to be the bible tells you in Revelation 2:10, ‘Do not fear what you are about to suffer. Behold, the devil is about to throw some of you into prison, that you may be tested, and for ten days you will have tribulation. Be faithful unto death, and I will give you the crown of life.‘ Well both my mother and I experienced a huge ordeal.

Though I used to warn my mother, for some reason, complacency allowed her to remain, ministerial advices allowed her to continue and so she ignored the signs. Word of advice to the naive and those whom believe changing a person is in their control or for those whom are fearful of starting over or even to simply walk-away; Never underestimate signs. Signs are granted to us as an expression, as a voice of God, never ignore it.

Abuse is obnoxious in its own identity in that if you are not careful, you would believe you are the problem. Abuse can be observed in many different form. Just to name a few: emotional, physical, social, financial, even spiritual etc. Don’t believe for a minute that your emotional abuser will not try to harm you. An abuser is imprisoned by their own thoughts and by their own deeds. They cannot and will not change unless they are willing to change, a few days change isn’t considered a change, that is considered an act of strategic manipulation; all abusers have that one gift in common. My late step-father tried to murder my mother and I have lived with that pain for years. However, I will not share this story here, because that is a topic by itself. Over the years my experiences have lead me to discover, my mind and how I perceived things was my prison. I could not be freed until I understood the formation of strong holds, and the trickery of seeds. It was after 6 years of marriage that I became sensitive to imprisonment because I became immune to it. I was tired of a repitition, I became frustrated of generational curses, I became intolerable to the devil’s plan and the lies and deception that came with it. It was through the innocent, meaningful soul, my son, that gave me the courage to loose myself from bondages and from things that doesn’t foster growth of prosperity in my life and like wise that of my son. God spoke to me through the innocense of my son, to this day I am breaking down irons, I am breaking down walls, so I maybe freed and that I would be annointed to recognize prisons and prisoners and share my remedies so they maybe delivered.

Our mind is the battlefield, we fight our toughtest and all battles there. So God said, ‘put on the whole armour, guard yourselves for battle like a soldier when they prepare for war. Put on the helmet of Salvation. Put on the breastplate of righteousness. Grip your loins with the belt of truth. Put upon your feet the preparation of peace. Put in your hands the shield of faith and have the sword of God’s true and living words in your mouth.

Woman thou art loosed! Free yourselves from the babbling fire of Satan. Make that step while you can and when you do, never look back because looking back maybe your very last chance.

Prayer of Freedom:

Dear God, I seek thee o Lord, that you search me right through and if there be anything seen or unseen that goes against your will, cleanse me. Forgive me o Lord of all that I have done. Restore that which brings fort your purpose. Free me o Lord from a negative mind, for you said, ‘You didn’t give me the spirit of fear but of power and of love and of a sound mind.’ You are my deliverer o God, teach me thy ways so my thoughts and my mind maybe transformed, for you said, ‘My thoughts are not your thoughts and my ways are not your ways.’ Thank you Lord for rescuing me, when I needed to be rescued, in Jesus Christ name, Amen.

A mother’s love

T’was a hectic night when all chaos was over and done with, I sat with my folded legs in my old, worn and odourful sofa that my moma had for years, cuddled between my cushions and blanket with my hand plagarizing my cheek and right there and then I thought to myself, the space between time should be my focal point. I took a quick gaze at my son as he slept peacefully and instantly, I spoke, ‘If ever a time my decisions in life affects you, i am sorry. Just know, that I have made those decisions with the assumptions that they would be best for you.’

So though those decisions may very well be undesirable of you, you were the focal point and I’ve trusted that my decisions would be the best thing for you. With that being said, my son never forget the power that God resides in you. Never underestimate truth and what orchestration it may reveal. Never for one minute deny your manhood, always aim at improving yourself day by day and allow faith to empower your journey. Be fearless in your endeavours, be it good. Be the man many fail to be, love yourself first, so you may understand what it means to love another. Be grateful for your wife and children and be that firm back bone in which your wife and children envelopes their fate because of the God in you. Be the vessel to which your wife looks for a prophet, a provider, a peace maker and a priest. If for one minute you fall, remember the principles of getting up, climbing up, picking up, brushing off and restarting.

My son, I trust you will hearken unto God’s teachings so that your wife will never curse you, for if she does then she may very well curse me, for I am responsible for the pot you become. For this cause I understand that my purpose is greater than I’ve ever thought and that my job as a mother isn’t easy but for this I trust that God have empowered me to be the potter and cornered you to the Potter’s house, where moulding and training takes place. For if ever a time I be biased with my teachings, I pray the Lord will reshape you and give you a devine shape that mankind cannot break.

If ever my love for you becomes questionable to you and if ever a moment your love for me becomes a love-hate scenario, remember it took a Mother’s love to dedicate you in prayer and fasting for 7 days so that conception maybe succesful and your birth maybe GRAND. Only true love that would have caused a mother to deny herself, and only the love of a mother is second to that of God’s love for you, that he granted you life. When a mother’s love and God’s love join together, it purges doubt and casteth out all fear. A mother’s love is declaring that I don’t expect you to love me the way I do. Infact, I don’t expect you to love me at all just because of my love for you or just because I have sacrificed my whole life for you but rather to love you and to serve you unconditionally so you may experience God’s mighty work through me and in that you may understand the epitome of love.

The Prisoner

Have you ever felt like a prisoner? Have you ever been behind bars? Have you ever been convicted? Have you ever been denied a voice?

Well join me soon as I discussed the epitome of a Prisoner. Again don’t forget to follow and comment. Your voice is always welcomed.

Tithing Your Purpose

I must admit, I was rebellious, sloppy and tardy with no substance or control just like you. It took me twelve (12) years to realize I was absolutely living a lie.

My image suggested greatness but my livelihood suggested mediocracy. Kudos to you, you are not alone in this catepillar mess. You are not the only one who cheated God, cheated systems, cheated purposes, cheated images, talents, gifts and people. Lets face it, we are not the only ones who have lied.

Now that we have gotten acquainted with our similarities, let me begin my topic, Tithing Your Purpose. What is your Purpose?

look at you bouncing those weary thoughts in your head, pondering, do I have a purpose, why haven’t I ever thought of that before? Don’t worry, we all got that one blonde moment in our lives that beats us in the race. We all have a purpose, and many times our purposes have not been recognized or fulfilled because of some wrongful habitual acts that surround our lives. REMEMBER, where you are now, isn’t where you are purposed to be. What you have done, doesn’t dictates your future. Your reaction to life’s discoveries, whether good or bad, is what dictates your path. CHOICE is our number one medium. Though God have fore-known and predestined us, he also granted us, FREE-WILL. For this reason, our paths are curved and derailed by the choices we make. Also remember it is not by our works we are saved, but it is by his un-meritted favour. The only thing that was given to us freely is life and love, what falls thereafter, we must work or pay some sort of price for it. Though Heaven was created by God and God loves us all, Heaven isn’t free. Heaven requires hard work, dedication, patience, trust, believe, faith, perseverance and true righteousness to gain permittance. Heaven isn’t free, not all would be able to afford the price for Heaven, like-wise, many cannot afford the price for hell. I mean i would prefer to make the sacrifice and sweat for Heaven’s permittance, wouldn’t you?

Heaven isn’t sloppy, it’s not tardy, disoriented, disorganized, filthy and it’s surely not cheap. Like the Our Father prayer stated, “So it is in Heaven, so shall it be on earth.” Our lives should only reflect that which Heaven reflects. We should never get complacent in stagnation, slums, sloppiness, tardiness, filth, perversion and an unworthy, inconsistent life. Our aim should always be based off Heavenly requirements.

So you claimed you got fired hence you are unable to repay your loans from the bank. I understand, I’ve been indebted too. I’ve said, ” To hell with paying back any loans.”

You want to know what God said to me? He said, “Phoebe, what thief you have become, what sloppy, unrighteous life you live. You are a lier.” I was astonished, when I heard that voice, I was so ashamed. I looked around wondering who else heard because it was so clear, that whisper was so loud. I knew it wasn’t my son who said that because he bearly even speaks English, he speaks part Minioneeze and part English. Then as i tried to figure out where that voice came from, again I heard, “Even me you have robbed.”

I got so nervous, I could barely think. Then instantly my brain was opted in and memories flashed before me. One by one, right before my face, I saw my lies. My tithes I have not paid, my debts I have neglected. Those images showed me how filthy my mind, my actions and my life were. Then God didn’ t stopped there, he said, ” Yourself you even robbed me of, where is thy offering, why have you given to me the least of you, yet you claimed you love me?”

Oh God, I have never cried so passionately before seeing all my sins before me. I felt my breath was leaving me, I could hardly control my brokenness. The last thing I would want to do is to give my least self to God who is Almighty. With this revelation, I have been inspired to take back my life, pay my debts, pay my tithes and offer myself entirely to the works of God, to the building up of his Kingdom, to the development of my Faith.

It is such an amazing process that I have been experiencing and I pray you do the same and experience God’s amazing works. I am inlove and just trusting to see the working of God’s hands in my life. Though it is not ironed out entirely as yet in terms of giving myself completely to God’s ministries, discipleship, evangelism, leadership and knowledge, I am in the process and God is directing and rearranging my time management. I will not rush because God is not of haste, I will not say I am perfect because I am still at the Potter’s house. Take back your life, start paying your tithes, repay your debts, stop being late for your engagements, stop being inconsistent with everything you do, stop speaking strong and walking weak, stop procrastinating, stop fearing the end results of things you’ve never experienced before, stop limiting yourselves, stop giving yourselves over to idols and withholding yourselves from God and stop believing the worst and start believing the BEST.

What I’ve discovered over the years is that my life reflected the way I pay my tithes. Just as I was inconsistent, tardy and cheated with my tithes, my life surrounded those very habitual negatives. I couldn’t really see how my money was spent, I didn’t have a budget, I had no control of my earnings, I was living with a slummy mind.

But may I tell you, the moment I dedicated myself to tithing and repaying my loans, I became in control, consistent, I had peace of mind, I saw how every penny was spent for a good cause, I felt extremely secured in my life and i gained power over my surrounding. Robbing God is like robbing yourself of your own life. It is not wise to do such an act.

So are you unsure as to how much is tithing? Only one-tenth, that’s all, nothing more nothing less. For example if you earn $1,000, your tithes would be $100.

Proverbs 3:9-10 stated, “Honour the Lord with thy substance and with the first fruits of all thine increase, so shall thy barns be filled with plenty and thy presses shall burst out with new wine.”

I must say, I am a true witness to this scripture. Ever since i started being passionate about tithing, I gain increase, I am more focused, consistent, disciplined and my money is spent well in accordance with my priorities, none wasted, I even am able to save. To this very day, I cannot phatom how is it I am able to save now but all I could say is, who could it be but God. Only God understands the complete design and creativity of his Supernatural ordinances. Like Malachi 3: 8- 12 stated, ” Will a man rob God? yet ye have robbed me. But ye say, wherein have we robbed thee? In tithes and offerings. Ye are cursed with a curse: for ye have robbed me, even this whole nation. Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of Hosts. If I will not open you the windows of Heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it. And I will rebuke the devour for your sakes and he shall not destroy the fruits of your ground, neither shall your vine cast her fruit before the time in the field, Saith the Lord of Hosts. And all nations shall call you blessed: for ye shall be a delightsome land, saith the Lord of Hosts.”

Remember, Heaven isn’t free, you must fight the good fight, be deliberate about tithing until it becomes apart of you. Tithe your purpose and curse not yourselves and your loved ones by robbing God.

Be awaken from stagnation and tithe into Heaven.

Remember to comment your views and click that follow icon. Be blessed.

Tithing Your Purpose

Is it a mere myth to give one tenth of your earnings? Whom are we satisfying when we sacrifice that one tenth, MAN or GOD? Are we tithing our purpose or are we not tithing our stagnation?

Join me as i share my convictions with you soon. Dont forget to follow or to share your views.

Is Oral Sex acceptable within the perimeters of Marriage?

I just spotted your retired, wrinkled eyes peeking through your Forty Two (42) years of marriage and wondering what glory have you missed or what obscurity is this neonatal Child of God bringing to the table.

But not to worry, you can either learn through my writings or you may scrutinize based on your own perception, conception or just merely your conviction. So let’s firstly look at marriage. Marriage in its biblical sense is the union of man and woman as husband and wife, or, abstractly the union or relationship viewed as an institution. Marriage was divinely instituted in the Garden of Eden in the form of monogamy which we would clearly see in Genesis 2:24, “Therefore a man should leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh.” Noah also could be described as the second founder of the race, had only one wife as it is explained in Genesis 7:7, “So Noah, with his sons, his wife and his son’s wives went into the ark because of the waters of the flood.”

The new testament also approves only monogamy as explained in Matthew 19:3-9. So then we clearly see that the birthright design of a marriage is man and woman solely monogamy and not polygamy. Now let us look closely at sex. In the Noun context Sex maybe defined as sexual activity including sexual intercourse. Also let’s view oral sex. Oral sex is the sexual activity in which the genitals of one partner are stimulated by mouth of the other.

Now that we have looked closely at those subjects by definition lets look at what the bible says about it all. While the bible does not specifically address either question, there are definitely biblical principles that apply. So we may ask the question, “Is Oral Sex a sin?” Let us look at what Hebrew 13:4 states, “Marriage is honourable in all and the bed undefiled; but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.” Because marriage is honourable unto God and the bed remains undefiled, any sexual activity that involves ONLY

the wife and husband is acceptable by God. We must remember that Sex was designed solely for married couples. Because of the guidelines that were laid out, we should be confident as to how far we go in our sexual pleasures for example, in Thessalonians 4:3-5 it states that adultery is sin. What is adultery we may ask? Adultery is the willful violation of the marriage contract by either of the parties, through sexual intercourse with third parties. It was forbidden by the seventh commandment. With this being said, we see therefore that the sexual pleasures of threesome, engaging a third person or other parties are forbidden by God hence this kind of sexual act defiles the bed.

Oral sex is a type of sex that may very well be between wife and husband. Sex outside of marriage are looked at as fornication, which fornication is said to be a sin. Non-married couples are not to practice such a act because since the time of Adam and Eve, God made sex to be a beautiful expression of love for married couples.

In order to properly analyze your sex life to judge if its in alignment with the guidelines of God, you may ask yourself these several questions:

Is there mutual consent?

As it states in 1 Corinthians 7:5, ” Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self control.” This shows the importance of mutual consent in any decision that may or may not affect your sexual relationship with your husband or your wife.

Is adultery a sin?

1 Thessalonians 4: 3-5 states, “For this reason, when i could no longer endure it, i sent to know your faith, lest by some means the tempter had tempted you and our labour might be in vain.”

Is viewing Pornography, a sin?

Matthews 5: 28 states, ” But i say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” So we see here that viewing pornography and being aroused by such sight of the woman or man in the act, we become lustful and sin in our hearts and by sight.

Why do you want oral sex, is it to fulfill a pornography fantasy or for just pure sexual pleasures?

1 John 2: 16 states, ” For all that is in the world the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life is not of the Father but is of the world.”

Are you convicted by it that it is wrong?

John 16:8 states, “And when he is come, he will reprove the world of sin, and of righteousness, and of judgement.”

To help us to better understand what the conviction of sin is, we may look at what it is or may not be. The first important thing we must know is that conviction of sin is not a guilty heart or even shameful face of what sinful act there may. Such feelings are commonly experienced by almost if not everyone. However, this is not true conviction of sin. The second thing to look at is, conviction of sin is not a sense of trepidation or foreboding of divine punishment. It is never being fearful or anxious of any act of sin. These feelings are also generally experienced in the hearts and mind of sinners. True conviction of sin is something absolutely different. The word convict is translated in the greek word elencho, which means, “To convince someone of the truth; To reprove; To acuse; To refute; or cross examined a witness.”

What the holy spirit does is to act as a prosecuting attorney who reveals evil, reproves evil-doers and convinces people that they need a saviour. To be convicted simply is to feel the sheer loathsomeness of sin. This comes about when we have seen God’s purity, holiness, his beauty and also when we recognize that sin cannot dwell with him, Like what Psalms 5:4 and Isaiah 6:5 explained about his sinless character. So let us understand the true meaning of conviction before we even answer those guideline questions. Because on many occasions we have a tendency to confuse guilt and shame for conviction and it is not so.

So what is God saying to you, are you sinning to please your husband or wife by orally edifying him or her?

Or are you in one accordance with God’s words and his guidelines when you orally pleases your husband or your wife?

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